Decades of marriage research (Gottman, Esther Perel, Arthur Brooks) converge on the same finding: great marriages are built on small daily habits, not on big moments. The twenty reminders below are the ones the data most consistently supports.

1. Turn toward, not away. When they make a small bid for attention — a comment, a sigh — respond, don't deflect. Every ignored bid is a withdrawal from the emotional bank.
2. Maintain the 5:1 ratio. Five positive interactions for every negative one, even during conflict. This is the single most predictive number in marriage research.
3. Say "we," not "I" and "you." Couples who use "we" language recover from conflict faster.
4. Don't outsource emotional labour to your partner. They can't remember your dentist appointments for you forever. Pick up half the mental work.
5. Compliment small things in public. What you praise them for to others, they internalise about themselves.
6. Respect their weird. Don't try to polish the quirky traits that made you fall in love.
7. Fight in the present tense. "You always" and "you never" are weapons from the past dressed up as arguments about today.
8. Apologise specifically. "I'm sorry I was dismissive when you told me about your day" beats a generic "I'm sorry."
9. Share a small ritual. Morning coffee, Sunday walk, Tuesday show — the weekly rhythms outlast the vows.
10. Guard date night as infrastructure. A scheduled, protected date isn't less romantic than a spontaneous one; it's more durable.
11. Take turns being the strong one. Some weeks they carry you; some weeks you carry them. Neither is weakness.
12. Protect your sex life as a shared project. Desire needs tending, not assuming.
13. Keep your friends. The best marriages are made of two people who show up whole, not two people who are everything to each other.
14. Separate finances questions from love questions. Discuss money calmly, on schedule, with numbers in front of you.
15. Stop trying to win arguments. The only "win" in marriage is preserving the partnership.
16. Check in on the state of the union. Monthly, 15 minutes, two questions: what's working, what needs attention.
17. Touch daily, beyond sex. Hand on the shoulder, hug at the door. Humans are regulated by contact.
18. Celebrate their wins louder than your own. The reverse is also true — and rare, which is why it matters.
19. Grow in parallel, not apart. Both partners should be evolving; couples who stop growing grow into strangers.
20. Choose them every day. Marriage isn't one decision. It's thousands of small ones, re-made daily for decades.

Print this. Put it somewhere you'll see it. Pick the one that hit closest today and practise it this week. Move to the next one when it feels automatic.