6 Behaviors to Grow Your Leadership Skills

Formal leadership development programs — the kind run by corporate L&D departments, executive-education divisions, and the larger consultancies — tend to produce a particular kind of output: leaders who can recite frameworks, identify their MBTI type, and describe their development journey in polished language. Whether they actually lead better as a result is a more open question. The data on leadership-program ROI has been mixed for decades, and the practitioners who actually grow tend to do so through behaviours that any program can encourage but no program can deliver.

The context that gives this its urgency: twin-study research (Arvey et al., Journal of Applied Psychology, 2007; De Neve et al., The Leadership Quarterly, 2013) consistently shows that roughly 24–32% of variance in who occupies leadership roles is heritable. The remaining 68–76% is shaped by accumulated experience, deliberate practice, and the specific behaviours you build over time. Formal programs have value when they accelerate those behaviours; they waste time when they substitute frameworks for practice.

The six behaviours below are the ones that distinguish leaders who actually develop from leaders who attend programs and stay the same. Each one is structural — a way of organising your working life — rather than aspirational. The leaders who run their development around these behaviours grow regardless of whether they're enrolled in a formal program; the leaders who don't typically plateau regardless of how many programs they attend.

Six rather than ten because six is the right number when each item is doing substantial work. Read this as a personal-development operating manual, not as a list of tips. Each of the six is its own discipline, with concrete practices and a way to measure whether you're getting better.

1. Seek out feedback that hurts a little

The single most consistent behaviour distinguishing leaders who grow from leaders who plateau is the active pursuit of feedback that's slightly more painful to receive than it needs to be. Comfortable feedback — "you're doing great, keep it up" — produces no growth signal. Uncomfortable feedback — "the way you handled that meeting made people stop speaking" — is the raw material development is built from.

The structural practice is to identify two or three people who will give you the honest version (peers, reports, an external coach, occasionally a trusted boss) and to ask them specific questions on a regular cadence. "What's something I'm doing that I should stop?" "What's something I should be doing more of?" "What did the team say about me when I wasn't in the room?" The answers usually sting in the first thirty seconds and become useful in the next thirty minutes.

The growth happens in the work of integrating what you heard, not in the receiving of it. Leaders who collect feedback without acting on it are doing performance, not development.

2. Keep a working journal of decisions and outcomes

Development requires feedback loops, and the longest feedback loops in leadership are between decisions made and outcomes produced — sometimes months, sometimes years. Without a record of what you actually decided and why, the loop is broken. You make a hiring decision in March, the hire turns out to be wrong in October, and by then you can't remember what you were optimising for or why you ignored the early warning signs.

The fix is mechanical: a brief note after each meaningful decision (hiring, strategy, organisational, financial) that captures what you decided, what you were optimising for, what evidence you had, what alternatives you considered, and what you'd expect to see if the decision was right. The note takes five minutes. Six months later, when you can compare expectation to outcome, the note is the most valuable artefact of your development.

The leaders who do this — and they're rare — develop noticeably faster than the leaders who don't, because they have the actual data to learn from. The decision journal is one of the highest-ROI leadership-development practices available, and almost no formal program teaches it.

3. Stretch into uncomfortable work deliberately

The growth zone for any leader is the work that feels just beyond current competence — the cross-functional project you're not quite qualified to lead, the difficult conversation you've been avoiding, the public talk that scares you, the negotiation you'd prefer to outsource. Comfort zone work doesn't develop you. The stretch zone does. The panic zone — work that's so far beyond current competence that you fail badly — doesn't either.

The discipline is to deliberately put yourself into stretch-zone work on a regular schedule, not to wait for it to find you. The cadence varies by stage; a useful default for working leaders is one significant stretch assignment per quarter, with a clear definition of what success looks like and an honest after-action review.

The practical version: list the three professional capabilities you most want to develop in the next 18 months. For each, identify the work-stretch that would force the development. Volunteer for it, or create it. Don't wait for the perfect opportunity that won't materialise.

4. Find and use a real mentor

The mentor relationship is one of the most over-discussed and under-practised behaviours in leadership development. The cliché version — quarterly coffee with someone famous, a relationship that exists mostly in your LinkedIn bio — produces almost nothing. The version that works is something different: regular working contact with a small number of people who are five to ten years ahead of you in the kind of role you're trying to develop into, who know you well enough to give specific advice on your actual situations.

The relationships that work tend to be reciprocal in some form. The mentor isn't doing charity work — they get something out of the relationship too, whether that's a useful sounding board for their own thinking, the satisfaction of seeing someone develop, or specific help with something concrete in their world. The relationships that don't work are usually the ones where the mentee is purely extractive.

The practical version: identify two or three people whose careers you'd want to learn from. Make a specific ask — not "can I have your wisdom" but "I'm working on X, can I have your input on Y". Make the relationship a two-way street. Maintain it over years.

5. Build the muscle of slowing down before deciding

The default leadership behaviour, especially under pressure, is to decide quickly. Sometimes that's right — many small decisions benefit from speed. The decisions that compound, however, are usually the ones where slowing down by a single day or week produces a meaningfully better outcome. The biggest decision regrets working leaders report, in honest moments, tend to be decisions made too quickly because the situation felt urgent and the slower analysis was avoided.

The practice that develops this is to install a built-in pause for high-stakes decisions. The form varies by personal style — some leaders sleep on it, some write the decision out before committing, some force themselves to articulate the case against. The mechanism matters less than the existence of the pause. The leaders who develop this discipline make noticeably better strategic and people decisions than the ones who don't.

The hardest part is distinguishing high-stakes decisions from low-stakes ones in real time. A useful heuristic: any decision whose effects you'll still feel in a year deserves the pause. Most don't; the ones that do are the ones to slow down for.

6. Build the post-event review into your operating system

Leaders who develop have a habit that leaders who don't usually lack: they conduct honest reviews after meaningful events. The launch that went poorly. The deal that closed. The team conflict that escalated. The hiring decision that worked. Each one is a learning opportunity that disappears if not converted into a deliberate review.

The discipline isn't elaborate. After a meaningful event, write or discuss: what did we expect to happen, what actually happened, where was the gap, what specifically would we do differently, what's the lesson we'll carry forward. Twenty minutes per event. Done consistently, this produces compounded learning that no leadership program can replicate.

The harder version is doing this honestly. The temptation in the post-event review is to credit your own contribution generously and assign causation for failures to factors outside your control. The discipline is to do the opposite — be hard on your own contribution, generous to external factors. The reviews that develop you are the ones where you find your own pattern; the reviews that protect you don't.

The honest framing on formal programs

None of the above requires a formal leadership development program. The behaviours can be installed in any working leader's operating system, regardless of organisational support. Formal programs have value where they create the structural conditions — protected time, peer accountability, access to skilled coaches, exposure to senior practitioners — that make the behaviours easier to maintain. They have much less value where they substitute frameworks for practice, or where they let the participant feel developed without doing the actual work.

Meta-analytic evidence confirms what experienced practitioners have long suspected: transformational leadership behaviors — the cluster that includes the six above — show a corrected validity of .44 against follower satisfaction, motivation, and effectiveness outcomes, across a 87-study meta-analysis by Judge and Piccolo (Journal of Applied Psychology, 2004). A 25-year review by Wang, Oh, Courtright and Colbert (Group & Organization Management, 2011) extended that finding across individual, team, and organisational levels. These are learnable behaviors, not fixed traits — and every formal program is most useful when it accelerates their development rather than substituting for it.

If you're enrolled in a formal program, the question to ask is whether the program is reinforcing the six behaviours above or letting you avoid them. If it's reinforcing them, the program is doing its job. If it's letting you collect frameworks and feel virtuous without doing the underlying work, the program is producing the illusion of development, not the reality.

The leaders who actually grow over a career are unusually consistent on the six behaviours above — they ask for hard feedback, they journal their decisions, they stretch deliberately, they maintain real mentors, they slow down on the decisions that matter, and they review honestly after meaningful events. The behaviours are simple to describe. They are difficult to maintain over years. The compounding effect of doing them well, for long enough, is what produces leaders whose teams keep wanting to work for them.

For the deeper reading on leadership development, the nine leadership books worth reading is the curated curriculum. For the specific tactical practices that complement the behaviours above, twelve tips to develop great leadership skills is the companion piece. The personal-growth foundation that underlies the behaviours above is covered in the self-help books recommended by top psychologists.